just got back from watching the singsoc screening of Be With Me... i knew i jus had to blog it within watching the first minute of the film. the music is great, and there is little dialogue and you know how films are just so different from movies. i really enjoyed it even though it was slow moving. but yeah... some gripes before i wax lyrical:

1. the scene where jackie lands on fat boy is so contrived, it's as if eric khoo couldnt think of a better way to resolve the plot lines
2. the lesbian subplot is there jus to sex it up, i swear.
3. the social worker's hokkien is atrocious. damn fake.

but the good parts were really good, i was totally weeping in that scene where the bedridden wife told the old man she wanted to die. wow. that was just soooo heart-rending, so well conveyed, it went like an arrow straight to the heart. and also when theresa chan spoke so matter of factly abt her one true love passing away before christmas. for a lady who has had so many things taken away from her it was really inspiring. i can't imagine having something and then losing it.. it's so much worse than never knowing it at all. and the scenes of local sounds, local places, local food was such an assault of the senses. reminded every one of us what we were missing back home.

my ahem wish list ordered by increasing difficulty: (by popular demand, not my idea)

1. novels
2. frames with photos of me and you
3. tops
4. bags
5. shoes
6. easy exams- myself and the entire econs year1s will be grateful to you- unless the grades follow the normal distribution!!
7. help me find purpose in life
8. or happiness
9. or help the world out by bringing world peace!

im jus such a lucky girl to be so loved!! got two parcels in the mail today for my birthday!! one from emily and one from kel. anyway emily tan, i know youre reading this and damn! i jus wanna tell u again that ure really the best friend/girl/woman/person alive... ure the only person who wld really actually send me blank CDs, write me lots of little notes to send together w the card and buy me chocolate AND strawberry pocky!! it's jus too much and im so so so touched. laughed and cried at the same time when i read the part where u told me to take more photos of my neck so we can do the before-London, after-London neck assessment. and thanks kel for the bakwa!! haha i havent eaten any here. really appreciate the love man... it's jus what i need to force myself to do the hw i need to chiong tonight.

coming here has made me realise what a natural born bum i am. and such a messy girl too! i don't like myself one bit. the room is perpetually in a deplorable mess, finances are still alright but still a bit of a blackhole question sometimes (ie where did the money disappear down??), the work is barely hanging in there, and the motivation to work is a zero vector (ie, (0 0 0 0 0 0)). and i dont put myself into ANYTHING AT ALL!!! i can't think of one fucking thing ive dedicated any time, love or energy into.

ok i can think of one fucking thing. but it's still only one. i send stuff home regularly to my dearest best friend and my darling family, and the communication thing is pretty gd, almost as if i never left home. in a sense... things ive learnt: how to be by myself and do things on my own. things i like and do regularly: gym and play with little kids. but that's about it!!!!

im still pretty much the same person i was in august 2005: i need and prefer the company of close friends, loved ones. i wld much rather not be alone. and ya im still the messy so-not-together, need-to-get-her-act-straight jo. im turning 20 soon but it seems im still not out of the teenage years. oh where's my long due maturity, why's my teen angst still here? why this great tendency for the melodramatic, i don't know, i really don't. maybe it's cos over here living day to day is the most important thing. i don't plan beyond 5 days, i don't live beyond that timespan. i still dream ahead but that's just it, they're just dreams that i don't do anything about. so i plod along, i chug along like a faithful steam engine but every once in a while hysteria seizes my throat and i realise i still don't know what i'm doing after so long. i only know what days im going to pack lunch and what sandwich filling i'll use on what day.

am i going to do my masters after graduating? i don't know. the rate things are going, maybe i shouldnt. wld much rather do it when i have a thirst for knowledge (ie when im bored of work). am i enjoying myself here? i don't know. sometimes i feel damn lucky, other days im downright miserable and i say to zy "ive played enough, now i want to go home. now." am i the same person i was? i just told you, i think i am. yet how can a person be gone for months on end and not change. it just speaks of how poorly i know myself, that i can't even answer this question when no one else can.

i hope this is just the regular PMS.